our referral story {THE CALL part 1}

*Warning: this is long!* I have been thinking on this post for days and I'm having trouble putting what I'm feeling into words. All of this is just so surreal and amazing.

For a few weeks leading up to Thursday we were just really, really low. I can't even describe to you the depth of despair that we were feeling. I had told Jason a few days before that I felt like the Israelites wandering around in the desert for 40 years. Dry and thirsty and tired, wondering what in the world God's big plan was. Crying out to Him - Oh God, will you ever deliver us?

When we started this adoption process, we obviously had no idea that it would take this long. Things were moving along very quickly. Even quicker than a lot of domestic adoptions. We just knew in our hearts that this was God's plan for us. We wanted to abandon this plan many, many times but could not bring ourselves to do it.

A little over a month ago we felt like God was calling us to surrender. Surrender our plans and our ideas and let Him have full control. So we did. We moved our age range as high as we could without added expense, to 23 months. We revisited our child medical form and changed some things. We were at complete peace about it all and fully expected a 1 to 2 year old since the paperwork on each child is taking so long right now. But God completely blew us away after we let Him have it all. He knew the desires of our hearts.

REFERRAL DAY: NOVEMBER 29, 2012

Last Thursday started out like any other day. I work at a preschool two days a week, one of them being Thursdays. Judah goes with me and it's a great little mommy job - I love it! School is from 9-2 and at 1:44pm my phone vibrated in my back pocket while I was at the indoor playground with my class.

Oh yes, it said "Possibly THE CALL" on my phone. :-) And you can see on the call time that it took a little over a minute for my whole life to change. My heart started an irregular rhythm and then I immediately told myself "She's probably calling about the email we sent yesterday." When you've been on the wait list for 2 1/2 years you NEVER think it's THE CALL. And let's just say that Jason and I had sent poor Lindsay a VERY whiny email the day before about how bummed we were. I looked at my co-teacher and said "I have to take this" and walked a little ways away.

Me (taking a deep breath): Hello?

Lindsay: Hey Summer, it's Lindsay. How are you?

Me: I'm okay, how are you?

L: Great! I got your email yesterday.

Me: (Deflated. Thinking, I knew it was just about that). Yeah, sorry about that. We are just really having a hard time right now.

L: I know you are. I think I have some news that's going to make it all better!!!

Me: YOU'RE KIDDING ME. Oh my goodness, I can't believe this. I feel like I'm going to pass out!

L: (Laughing) I have your referral right here on my desk, can you believe it?

Me: No, I really can't. I can barely breathe, I think I'm going to pass out.

L: (Laughing and consoling me that it's okay and is really happening) I'm assuming you're not with Jason, do you want me to conference him in or do you want to get with him at home and call me back?

Me: No, I'm at work. Um, I'm going to go home and then we'll call you back. (Starting to cry). I just need to know how old she is before I call Jason.

L: She's 6 MONTHS OLD and her name is *****

Me: YOU'RE KIDDING! (apparently I thought this was all some big joke on me :-) Oh my goodness, I can't believe she's so young! 6 months old?!?! (At this point I slid down the wall onto the floor and started crying).

L: She's beautiful Summer, she's beautiful. We've all been oooing and ahhing over her pictures!

Me: Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. I'm going to call Jason and then we'll call you back soon.

L: Okay, I'll wait to hear from you. Happy Referral Day!

Me: Thank you so much! Bye.

At this point my co-teacher was checking on me to make sure no one had died. :-) Once I told her what was going on she gave me a big hug and told me to GO! I remember telling her "I'm tapped out, my mind is gone. I can't help you with the kids right now." LOL.

I stood up, went down a hall and called Jason who was off work last week - perfect timing.

J: Hey. Is everything okay? (because I'm calling early from school)

Me: (yelling) THIS IS IT! WE HAVE A BABY! I JUST GOT THE CALL!

J: What? Are you serious? Oh my goodness!!!

Me: (Crying) She's 6 months old Jason, 6 MONTHS OLD!!! Can you believe it??!?!? She said she was beautiful!

J: (Laughing/crying) When can you get home? Can you leave right now? How quickly can you get home? (I think he said this about 10 times :-)

Me: Yes, I'm leaving right now. I just need to find someone who can take Judah home and tell Lori that I'm leaving and then I'll call you on the way home. Can you believe this?!?!? Oh my goodness. I'm in shock.

J: I know, I know. Okay, call me on your way home. Bye!

Me: Okay, bye.

And then I thought, what am I going to do with Judah? I didn't want to cause a scene because our families didn't even know at this point. I don't want the whole school knowing. I tried to walk as calmly as I could down the hall and found Lori (my close friend and boss) in an office. I calmly told her I needed to talk to her in the other room. I told her "We have a baby!". She hugged me and assured me that she would take Judah with her and then bring him to our house later. My friend Katie happened into the room right next to us. I called her in and just looked at her, didn't say a word, and she screamed and then cried while hugging me. I told them not to tell anyone, then grabbed my stuff, left Judah's car seat by Lori's car and left.

Before I left Jason had texted me that he was jumping in the shower in case I tried to call. By the time I called him in the car on the way home I was shaking and praying I didn't have a wreck. He was out of the shower - he said he was yelling "Thank you God!" over and over in the shower. We decided that we needed to find someone to pick up Elijah from school because we would probably still be talking to our caseworker at that point. I called my next door neighbor and friend - she didn't answer. Jason went next door and banged on her door until she did. :-) She said she would get Elijah. I remember telling Jason all the way home "I can't remember her name. She told me and I can't remember our baby's name!" and "oh my goodness, I cannot believe she's only 6 months old!"

When I pulled in the driveway, I ran inside. Jason was beaming and jumping up and down. We hugged and jumped up and down together! I ran next door to tell my neighbor not to tell Elijah what was going on and called his school to let them know my neighbor would be picking him up. Jason set up the camera on the computer, I grabbed my phone, we sat down together in front of the computer and called Lindsay.

The stage was set. God in His wisdom had known this moment in time long before we even began this adoption process 3 years ago. It was here. November 29, 2012. We were about to see our baby girl for the first time...